When It’s All Too Muchfeatured

The ins and outs of participation in human society continue to confuse and surprise me. Sometimes, the thought of merely existing on this plane makes me uncomfortable.

 

These past few months have felt like I’ve been wandering, drifting, sometimes seen and sometimes not. 

I have a vague idea of what my destination is and I’m running on autopilot until I get there. 

 

The most challenging aspects of this chapter in my life have been disconnection with my fellow humans, my environment, and myself. 

 

Conflict and separation seemed to be waiting for me in the most unexpected places. At the beginning of the year, my brother was taken out of his body by a bullet. 

 

My body soon buckled under the stress of schooling, working, parenting, having relationships, and still trying to dream. 

 

Many ties were severed and bridges crumbled away. No escape from reminders that the world is on fire. My mind ran away from me again and again.

 

I hurt for a break. At one point, I felt strongly that I didn’t want to be in this body anymore.

 

I still ask myself “What am I here for? Is it really worth it?”

 

I remember being here before. In this body in this life, I remember feeling helpless, disoriented and overwhelmed. Wanting it all to stop.

 

So many times, I asked for help even though I didn’t know who I was asking. 

I couldn’t carry it anymore so I surrendered it all.

 

I cry “I want peace, I want clarity, I want joy, I want to feel safe, I want to feel capable, I want to feel loved. Please tell me everything is going to be okay. Please help me be okay.”

 

And then I wait for a response. 

 

In the stillness of my mind, I discover an oasis. I wash myself in the cool waters of a mind focused, opened, receiving. 

 

I was no longer waiting for an answer. Now I was simply enjoying the feeling of calm readiness and the aftermath of a good cry.

 

At the time, I did not realize that the stillness I had created in my mind through my request and my surrender to a higher force was the relief that I was asking for.

 

I often forget that I can create this stillness at any time.

 

I know that within this body lies a compass intended to lead me to my complete peace and fulfillment. My emotions guide me in the directions that I need to go. 

 

It is my responsibility to give myself emotional relief when I notice I am hurting. I know my emotions come from the stories I spin for myself and the actions I take as a result. I know my emotions are my strongest link to the Source of who I am; my Soul.

 

Emotions can run wild along with the mind. If you’re like me, you often have bigger emotions than what most people would consider normal. 

And if you’re really like me, you sometimes act in ways that go against your values when your emotions take the reins. 

 

And if you’re like every other human on this planet, your emotions are even more challenging in times of stress and strife, increasing the chances that you do something you may regret later. 

 

Humans are social creatures. There is little we can accomplish alone. 

 

In that moment when I sat by myself and spoke to the wind, I was not alone. I had the company of my very own Soul through the guidance of my emotions. 

 

The comfort in the stillness felt like a hug from the inside.

 

There is almost always a way to line up with what we want for ourselves. And if there isn’t a way, that means you are near the end of your time in this body. In that case, you will have more opportunities even still. The True You is eternal. 

 

This human life experience is full of challenges. That is what we came here for. We are extensions of Source energy, powerful creators in physical forms. 

 

We need problems to know the solutions. We need to know what is not wanted to know what is wanted.

We need to know that seeing something in our mind’s eye is the first step to seeing it with our physical eyes.

 

Feeling something in our body & thinking thoughts that perpetuate the feeling will line us up with more experiences that feel that way.

 

When we hold what is desired in our mind’s eye & believe in the Reality of it, we are led to it by the compass we carry in our bodies. 

 

Reality is always shifting. Nothing is set in stone. We can decide where we’re headed at any given moment. We can decide what we are lining up with. We decide what we believe in and how we act in accordance with that. We are responsible for this.

 

The purpose of the unwanted in this experience is to direct our attention towards what is wanted so that we may begin construction within the arena of our mind and thus, the journey of its unfolding into our physical reality.

 

We came here to sift through the contrast, make something beautiful out of it, and enjoy the process of unfolding. We are powerful creators. We are extensions of Source energy. As such, the Love & attention of Source is always upon us. 

 

We only need to allow our true nature for it all to come together.