True Self

12 posts

0

self eviscerationfeatured

by solaris on April 5, 2026
Posted in Art, True Self

what is a mind at war

with itself

my Self

fragmented

oozing through the gaps

in my Spirit

a thousand festering wounds

burn through my vessel

through Me,

“the observer”

feels more like

“the victim” 

begging for a

permanent end 

to the suffering that is

Life

relentless

loss

cruelty

despair

the pressure

of one thing piling

atop another

& another

& another

trying to hold it

together

keep it moving

lest i die or

worse

i break

& the corrosive ichor

that’s seeped through

my Spirit

my Self

spills unto Every Thing

a rot

that burrows deep

& makes a feast

of All that is sacred

to Me,

a thing

still beyond it’s own reach

lost 

& at war with itself.

0

heartbreakfeatured

by solaris on March 17, 2026
Posted in Art, True Self

you were

a star in my sky

striking

& merciless

in your beauty

leaving me

stupefied

enraptured by

your gaze

caressing

my very Soul

reached for yours

& my heart

screamed with joy

& longing

& fear

for how i had been

blissfully unraveled

laid bare

before

your mercy

your grace

ghosted away at the sight

of the weeping wounds

& mangled scars

that made

Me

so foolishly certain

you could still see

my Light

would mean

it’s worth it

to Love me

how naive

to believe a star

could do anything but

obliterate me

with its blinding heat

& tyrannical gravity

while sweet

nothings

& empty promises

left me

reaching

crying

aching

for a dream

unrealized,

a heart

that was never Mine,

& that star

has faded into

a cosmic scar

across my sky

hovering over the abyss

that is

my despair

a deep crimson

pain

that rips through Me

spilling my entrails

with the Life we made

carried in Death’s embrace

through this endless night

i still search for

that star

& all i can see is

an ocean of blood

through the blur

of my tears.

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cyclical despairfeatured

by solaris on March 16, 2026
Posted in Art, True Self

a heart beats in my chest and
my lower belly
clenches around the hollow
carved out of the
Life
that grew there

down the drain
with a quart of blood and
shreds of my flayed heart
find their way out
of my mouth and
my eyes and
my hands
shake uncontrollably as i

cradle this cursed body
piloted by
this cursed Mind
a scrap of my
supposedly
beautiful Soul
but

“i” feel like
the ugliest thing
in all Creation and
i resent this Soul
for choosing this Life and
i resent this Self for
the suffering it’s brought
upon others and
me

sabotaged by my own wounds
inflicted by ghosts who
hound my every step
my dreams
my thoughts
my Spirit
my Life

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Inner City Blues – A Black Child’s Lamentfeatured

by solaris on January 27, 2026
Posted in True Self

The hood exists because of white supremacist imperialism. Violence in the hood is a result of white supremacist imperialism.

It is an intentionally manufactured breeding ground for prison-slave labor, sex-slave labor, & continued subjugation of Stolen African descendants. 

The deaths of my loved ones were by design. My trauma is by design.

I don’t think I will ever be free of the pain. 

0

Coping When Subjected to Violence: A Conjurer’s Perspectivefeatured

by solaris on July 9, 2025
Posted in True Self

Whether it’s an overtly spiritual practice such as Conjure or Christianity, or a subtly spiritual practice, such as daily expressions of creativity or moments of connection with our environment, we need habits that allow us to maintain a bond with our Innermost Self. 

It is the only part of us that can grant the peace we need to take action that will lead us—and all around us—in the direction of growth.

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