The Divine Deathfeatured

Nuestra Señora de la Santa Muerte 

Santísima

La Niña Flaca

Woman of Night 

Grandmother

Mama

 

Thank you.

 

____

 

Throughout my childhood & adolescence

were incessant reminders

of Death’s presence;

 

in my hometown of Detroit, Michigan

monuments to the Departed 

adorned posts on every other street corner. 

 

Within my first family, 

I witnessed my relatives lose 

pieces of themselves.

 

Frequently told were stories 

of parts lost 

long before I came to be.

 

Once cherished connections 

burned away or decayed 

beyond recognition;

 

too many left their bodies behind

long before I expected 

or wanted them to.

 

My introduction to life on Earth 

was colored by frequent experiences of

loss & unpredictable shifts

 

reflected back to me 

in every moment,

every place,

every Being

I came into contact with

 

the inescapable cycle of transformation

the inevitability of Loss

hounded my footsteps.

 

I resisted it unbeknownst 

of the suffering it created for me. 

 

____

 

Two months after I turned 11 years old

a bullet took my father from his body.

 

In my father’s absence

I was exposed to new extremes 

of abuse & neglect.

 

I awakened to the horrors

of human society

& my utter lack of safety in the World.

 

My grief was compounded

by my sense that

God Himself

had abandoned me.

 

I had been raised to believe in God;

trust in His goodwill 

& follow His law.

 

Yet He allowed horrific things

to befall my loved ones

to befall Me

 

to befall the World.

 

I questioned if “God” truly existed.

 

Either way,

He would get no praise from me.

 

My Faith went with my father

& Anger made a new Home in my heart.

 

This was the Death

of my childhood.

 

____

 

Around the age of 14

having eschewed organized religion,

identifying myself as a proud Atheist,

 

I discovered Wicca;

My first introduction to a concept

of a governing spiritual Supreme 

without Judgment or Wrath,

 

Alive in All.

 

I was pleased by the notion that

my Self was extension of the Divine

& as Divinity

I too had the ability to Create.

 

Up until that point

my knowledge of religion 

began & ended at Christianity. 

 

My father was raised by Baptists;

My mother by Jehovah’s Witnesses.

 

I was primarily shaped by

my father & his mother’s Faith. 

 

I took comfort in this new perspective;

 

rather than living at the mercy & behest

of a wrathful, judgmental God,

 

I chose the path;

fully supported by the Divine

of which I was part.

 

These concepts affirmed my inner-knowing 

that there was more to my human existence 

than I had been led to believe. 

 

A familiar spark

reignited within me,

 

reminiscent of the flame 

I held in my chest as a little

when I experienced visions

that became manifest

& heard voices 

that had no body to speak them.

 

My relatives said

I was “talking to Spirits”.

 

Although this concept of Wicca

didn’t entirely resonate with my Heart

it gave me language & perspective 

to conceptualize my relationship to Spirit

& my Ability as an embodiment of

The Energy that Creates Worlds.

 

I had spent my lifetime feeling powerless

& here was my chance to be powerful.

 

____

 

My interest in magical practices 

led me to ancient Egyptian spirituality.

 

At 15

I began devotion to the goddess Isis. 

 

I performed my first ritual for Her;

A rite of initiation, devotion, & admiration. 

 

As I conducted my ritual

I felt the spark again

 

This time

it set my Heart aflame.

 

My practice of devotion to Isis

led me to the discovery of Hoodoo & Obeah

the practices of my stolen African Ancestors.

 

This way of life

silenced the voice in my chest

that said I was an oddity.

 

Finally

I had discovered a practice,

a culture,

that fully matched the song of my Heart.

 

I did much of my research on social media,

joining Hoodoo groups on Facebook & Reddit,

where Santa Muerte soon began 

to make frequent appearances.

 

A Mexican Folk-Catholic saint

in the form of a female

personification of Death.

 

More new concepts introduced to my world.

 

____

 

Her devotees sang Her praises

for all to observe

the most astonishing tales

of miraculous shifts in circumstance,

showers of blessings,

newfound abundance.

 

Her children beamed

the gracious light

of their Mother’s Love.

 

This image of Death

struck me with discomfort

Fear & Anger tinted my perspective 

of this destructive force.

 

The Love of Her children

gave me a new color to consider.

 

This Death was gorgeous,

draped in finery,

addressed as a Queen;

 

Her miraculous works stood

as a testament to the power of Spirit.

 

She Loved All

even those who God 

turned away.

 

In All who were deemed worthless,

Santa Muerte saw treasure.

 

Their Lives are the ultimate Gift;

the greatest miracle.

 

Through the eyes of La Santa Muerte,

all are equal

because all must die.

 

____

 

The Energy that Creates Worlds

takes up different shapes

in the form of our known Reality.

 

The driving force 

behind this energy

is Love;

 

A Divine action,

the effort of continued Growth.

 

Without Death,

Growth is impossible.

 

She is the Destruction 

that makes space for Newness;

 

the womb that alchemizes

the Beginning and the End;

 

the Home to which Life returns 

to be reborn anew.

 

What can this be called

if not Holy?

 

____

 

By the age of 17 

I proclaimed myself a Hoodoo practitioner.

 

I began my research into the Santa Muerte,

a mysterious, foreboding figure

whose image struck me 

with Fear & Awe.

 

La Santa Muerte appealed to me 

as a magnetic, beautiful 

womanly Being

 

who represented the concepts 

I most abhorred

as well as those

closest to my Heart.

 

___

 

Our Lady of the Holy Death,

 

the catalyst behind all Life;

 

fierce protector of those 

on the fringes of society;

 

The One who cradles All

in Her loving embrace,

 

is also Loss,

Destruction,

Devastation & Decay.

 

I was compelled to examine 

my values,

my morality,

 

the angriest parts of my Self 

that said some people

should never be Loved;

 

& the most frightened parts

that said I should fear Change

& turn my eyes away 

from the discomforting Truth 

of the inevitable End.

 

___

 

As I continued my research

I came across articles 

denouncing Santa Muerte

as a Satanic figure, a “false Idol”,

“The Criminal’s Saint”.

 

Some people had adverse reactions 

when I mentioned Santa Muerte.

 

Either they were spooked 

by reminders of Death,

 

or they associated Her image 

with narcos, cartels,

people who commit heinous crimes,

or Satan himself.

 

These differences in perspective

were drastic & confusing.

 

It occurred to me that people’s perceptions

are colored by their experiences,

culture, & community.

 

I could not let anyone else define

who Santa Muerte was for me.

 

I knew the only “correct” perspective 

to apply to my life

is the one that brings peace to my Heart.

 

____

 

I was a child without parents,

without a Home,

seemingly without Love.

 

Much had been taken from me.

 

I continued to experience Change 

in ways that were painful,

undesirable,

& irreversible.

 

I was lost,

drowning in my ocean of

Anger & Hurt.

 

There was little I could do 

to silence my pain;

so I surrendered.

 

I followed what I now recognize 

as the call of my Spirit

 

& I was led to the embrace

of the Holy Death.

 

____

 

Through my connection 

with the Holy Death

my Heart got her wish;

 

a Home,

a family,

safety,

clarity,

Love.

 

As I nurtured my relationship 

with my Ancestors

& the Holy Death who united Us,

 

I became reacquainted 

with peace, appreciation,

& Faith.

 

My childhood

returned to me.

 

I believe this union became the basis 

of my life’s dramatic changes

 

from a state 

of perpetual suffering to one 

of continual thriving.

 

____

 

Through my connection with

La Santa Muerte

I have learned:

 

Death is a true ally

mistaken for an enemy

to our severe detriment.

 

She is reliable.

She is relief.

 

More often than not,

She is the answer.

 

Death comes in many forms.

 

Death is the End & the Beginning,

the harbinger of Newness–

continued Life. 

 

as Life is destroyed

new Life simultaneously 

arises in its place.

 

Life & Death are married;

both necessary for the existence 

of the other. 

 

Without Life

there is nothing to Die. 

 

Without Death

there is no Living.

 

Death is sacred,

Divine.

 

Death is how

we return Home.